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But it sounds more like she's responding to the things you think you both need, than thinking about what she needs. That's a challenging dynamic to change.
Maybe you can have a real sit down and really talk to her. Ask her if she's happy, what would make her happy, what kind of time and space she needs, if you can set a decision date. Tell her you're worried about this back and forth and would rather you both be happy without each other than to be miserable together. From what you say, it sounds like she wants out, but doesn't know how to say it.
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